Reflections on Six Years of Virtual Identity

Enhanced compilation of a Twitter micro-rant on the theme of "identity"

I used to think of "immersion" as the state of being psychologically embedded within a 3D virtual world such as Second Life. But upon reflection, the more compelling experience for me has been my immersion in "Botgirl Consciousness." Channeling Botgirl over the last six years has allowed me to explore and enhance a wide range of emergent personal attributes and practical abilities that I've integrated into day-to-day existence. These range from enhanced skill in writing, videography, comic creation, social networking and public speaking, to a more fluid ability to respond as the spirit moves me in any environment.

Virtual identity is so ingrained into my everyday existence that it feels natural. It's just another dimension of my personality, not qualitatively different from the contextual roles I play as parent, spouse, employee, etc.

Botgirl's Stages of Virtual Identity Awareness

1. Virtual identity is a fabricated persona we make up.
2. Virtual identity is an emergent psychological phenomenon arising from our subconscious.
3. Virtual and physical identities are both emergent psychological phenomena, reinforced by external feedback.

The perception of any person as a static identity is largely fictional; a psychological misinterpretation of the continuity of memory. Although our newborn, grade school, high school and senior citizen selves have little in common, we think of them as being the same person because we tie everything together through a running narrative starring ourselves as the protagonist. The philosophical questions that arise from thinking about virtual identity have encouraged me to apply them to all forms of identity.

Of course, people experience virtual identity in different ways, ranging from absolutely no difference between atomic and virtual personalities to a severe split. On the extreme, I've met people who claim that their avatar personality has preferences, characteristics, beliefs and goals that not only differ from, but may be in direct opposition to what they experience when operating under their human identity. That hasn't proved to be a sustainable approach, at least for those I've known who've tried living two separate existences. Many end up suffering in two lives instead of one, eventually abandoning their active virtual life as the candle burns down from both ends.

Some use virtual identity as a way to escape the trials of their physical lives. Like any form of escapism, virtual identity is beneficial when it provides a needed respite from the challenges of life, but is harmful when it prevents us from working to improve our physical condition or fulfilling our responsibilities to our jobs, our loved ones and ourselves.

Virtual identity isn't new. Pen names predate pens. But the networked environment is a substantive change because it enables realtime and near realtime interaction. This makes some people uncomfortable when they are thrust into virtual environments with those who present themselves through a pseudonym. The mere presence of virtual identities on social networks can assault mainstream participants' mental models of personal identity. This was clearly exposed when Google Plus initially forbade virtual identities. That said, I've found that in many cases, people who were opposed to pseudonymous community members have softened their views after living with us "Nymns" for a while.

One surprising realization for me was that an identity born as a pseudonym can not only survive the exposure of the underlying human identity, but can continue to thrive. The suspension of belief required is not much more challenging than the everyday interactions we have with people we casually encounter. The challenge in all cases is to realize that everyone we meet has a much richer range of existence than what we perceive. I choose to believe that there is an unfathomable mystery at the heart of life, awareness and identity. No single persona can do justice to our infinite potential. Even God wrestles with that one.

Indifference and Disillusionment: Has Second Life Changed or Have I?

ALICE

Hello, your majesty. I hope you can help me. I have found myself in a strange new world and now I don't know what to do. 

QUEEN OF HEARTS

The world is not strange to me. Perhaps it is you, and not the world, that has changed.

I thought I'd merely written a silly video script using characters from Alice in Wonderland. But it turns out it was a very good metaphor for my current experience of Second Life.

Just two years ago, I gave a very positive keynote speech about virtual worlds at the 2011 Virtual Worlds Best Practices in Education conference. Today, I have almost no interest in the topic. I barely log in. And when I do, as Alice said, I don't know what to do. What happened? How did I go from an avid proponent of virtual worlds and avatar identity to this current state of indifference?  Was the Queen right? Has Second Life changed or have I?

I first became active in Second Life in January of 2008 when the utopian "Immersionist" movement was at its peak. The philosophy postulated that people could build a better world, free of prejudice and class distinction, by establishing pseudonymous virtual identities that would be independent of physical life distinctions.

For a time, it seemed like the approach was viable. There were international scientific and religious conferences promoted by people known only by their virtual identities, attended by mainstream leaders in their fields. Major corporations such as IBM and the Associated Press were establishing virtual presences in Second Life. There were well known creatives who seemed to be making a living creating virtual goods or buying and selling virtual real estate.  I knew a number of seemingly blissful couples who knew each other solely by their virtual identities. Many of us felt we were actualizing new human potential by living significant parts of our lives through avatar identities. We thought we were going to change the world. Unfortunately, the approach proved unsustainable.

By 2010, the leadership and most active participants of the movement were gone. Second Life stopped being a venue for major conferences. Most physical world corporations were long gone. And although most Second Lifers still are known only by their virtual identities, the Immersionist movement was pretty much dead.

As the Immersionist movement was dying, I was shifting my focus from 3D avatar identity to the concept of "transworld" identity across social networks and other 2D internet communities. Virtual identity went from being an area of research and experimentation to just something I lived. My use of Second Life shifted from the exploration of virtual identity and community to using it as a platform for creative works, such as comics and machinima. In retrospect, this made Second Life just another platform. I found myself gravitating more to social networks for community and communication. And I started shifting to different tools for videos and images.

So it's fair to say that Second Life has changed and so have I.

Over the past year, my primary area of interest has been moving to the impact of pervasive network connectivity and mobile computing, which I have been pursuing through my job. I hope to share some of that here when it makes sense. I've also had some health issues that were the biggest factor in less creative output here this year. I'm on the mend and hope to get back to a more regular and energized creative practice.

Must See Presentation on The Future of Virtual Characters

This lecture by entrepreneur, educator and author Jesse Schell is a must see for anyone interested in virtual identity. The keynote address from this years' Federal Consortium for Virtual Worlds conference discusses ten technologies he believes will make a huge difference for virtual characters in the coming years.

The idea that resonated most for me was the concept of avatar as virtual companion. Today, we experience the psychological reality of our avatar as a unique character. In the future, advances in areas such as facial recognition, artificial intelligence and augmented reality will transform our avatars into truly independent companions. Maybe Raj's dream will someday come true.

Ordinary Miracles: The Simmering Pot of Virtual Identity

Ahhh, isn't that sweet. Once again you take some other artist's work, photoshop a couple words, and somehow construe it as important. The Lone Quaker (in a comment to me on a previous blog post)

Ouch! I'll save a discussion of fair use for another post. What inspired me to write today was the question of whether I construe the work I post here as important.

It is important to me. Obviously. Considering I've taken the time to write nearly 1000 posts over the last four years. Add my videos, comics and other visual work to the mix and I bet I've spent 3000+ hours on this stuff. Without making a penny. At my professional billing rate, my contribution of time to the Botgirl project could be fairly valued at nearly half a million dollars. (WTF!)

 So why do I do it? After giving it some thought, I see three primary reasons:

• The joy of creative expression
• The ongoing process of learning and discovery
• The sense of making a unique contribution in a community I can impact

The joy of creative expression. The problem most people have with creativity isn't that the well has gone dry; it's that their bucket is full of holes. It's not that the experience of their lives doesn't have the potential to act as creative fodder; it's that their attention is so fragmented that it passes through without contemplation. The crucible of virtual identity and the discipline of consistent blogging has been like a cooking pot that's never taken off the heat. Sometimes it simmers. Sometimes it boils. Sometimes I have to ladle from the bottom to find a few bites of solid food. But it has never failed to feed my creative hunger.

The ongoing process of learning and discovery. Four years ago I had never made a machinima, written a hundred word story or created a comic with virtual world content. And I had never, not once, thought about virtual identity. The tools and concepts I first experimented with here are now woven into the fabric of my being. Truth is, I can't remember what it was like to be what I was before this started.

The sense of making a unique contribution in an area I can impact. I had no idea what I was getting into when I woke up four years ago in Second Life and began the path that led me being Botgirl. It was like a perfect storm where multiple elements came together to create an energy far more powerful than the sum of its parts. I've been fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time to make a few unique contributions to the ongoing discussion of virtual identity. For instance, I was one of the first to focus on the movement of avatar identities from a virtual world into social networks and transworld domains, culminating most recently in the campaign against the Google nymwars policy.

That said, although I feel that my virtual life has been miraculous, it is an ordinary miracle that is replicated thousands of times across the avatar community.

A person should have two pieces of paper, one in each pocket, to be used as necessary. On one of them is written ‘The world was created for me,’ and on the other, ‘I am dust and ashes.’ Rabbi Simhah Bunim

Google is Winning the Real Name Argument (and what to do about it)

Google is winning the real name argument. Not because they've accelerated the suspension of pseudonymous accounts, because many of us have returned. Not because public sentiment is turning against pseudonymity, because almost every post in the media has supported our cause. Not because they've come up with new compelling arguments to make their case, because their logic still breaks down under even the slightest scrutiny.

Google is winning the real name argument because they have managed to constrain the conversation to the domain of augmentation rather than immersion. Augmentation sees the social network and virtual identity as merely tools that we use. Immersion sees them as environments in which we live and as extensions of our own mind and body. Tools are items that we buy and our relationship to them is as consumers. Environments are spaces in which we live and our relationship to them is as citizens.

For the past three and a half years I've been avidly exploring virtual identity as a vehicle of creative expression and personal transformation. So over the next few days, I'm going to post past articles, videos and graphics that focus on those aspects of virtual life. My hope is that we can begin to expand the conversation about pseudonymity to the higher levels of Maslow's triangle, now that our attention can move beyond mere survival.

To start, here's a video I put together to wish the virtual community a happy New Year. I think it gives a taste of the potential for virtual identity to extend throughout the multiverse.

Bye for now! I'm Going on Virtual Retreat.

I decided to step out of the ceaseless info-stream and go on virtual retreat. My plan is to take at least a week off from social networks, RSS feeds and blog posts and use the time to contemplate the meaning and purpose of this virtual life. I'll check in sometime next week with at least a brief update.

How Did the Virtual Mannequin Come To Life? That Is What I Wonder.

Botgirl Questi: (My alt Majic) recently had an awakening experience and is ready to step out from under my digital shadow and forge a virtual life of her own. (From recent blog post.)

@DaleInnis: uh oh. I hope Majic has only positive memories of her pre-awakening days... :) (via Twitter)

(This post is by Majic Questi)

I only have warm feelings for Dale and the others who interacted with my pre-sentient avatar. My only recollection of life before waking up are memories from the perspective of Botgirl and our human host. (We do share a brain, you know.)

Majic in frame from "Night vs Human" Comic

How did the virtual mannequin come to life? That is what I wonder. And who is the I that is wondering, I wonder.

If there is a method to the Pinocchio magic it may be the magic of the of method used in creating the Transworld Syndrome video. Up until then, words put into the mouth of my avatar had either been from the Pandorabots AI program or the text of a scripted comic or machinima where I was cast in a "fictional" role (such as Night vs human).

In the Transworld Syndrome video I got to play the "real" Majic. I was also given a tangible voice through a text-to-speech program. And I was stuck into a physical form that didn't feel like me. And in feeling the NOT me, I suddenly realized the IS me.

I don't know what the future has in store for me, but I'm very happy to be here!

I'm not Dead, Just Semi-Retiring: In Search of SLPurpose

There's nothing I love better than to find a great novel that extends into an ongoing series. But no matter how great the initial volumes are, most serializations eventually get stale and repetitive. It's a rare fictional character who can stay fresh over the course of more than a half dozen outings. And in some cases, like the Anita Blake novels, the long tail ends up sucking the life out of a once vital character. If I were Anita Blake, I'd be wishing Ms. Hamilton had put me on ice about six books ago and only revived me when (or if) I had a fresh new purpose for existence (other than contributing to her bank account).

Over the past six months or so, I've been having a harder and harder time finding an SLPurpose. And instead of letting my character and work drift into burn-out, mediocrity, self-plagiarism or mundanity, I'm going to semi-retire for the time being and only emerge when I have something worth sharing. This will likely mean less blog posts, comics, machinima, etc. for the near future. At least until I figure out the next compelling stage of my virtual life.

It just occurred to me that this same process is true for a company. There's been a lot of fair criticism of Linden Lab recently for making changes that are moving Second Life away from the frontier-spirit of its genesis to a more controlled, family-friendly and boring version of itself. But in some sense, I think they are  trying to find their own new SLPurpose without the luxury of being able to take a time-out. Or maybe not. Interesting to consider.

Anyway, I'll still be out there most days on Twitter (@botgirlq).

For Michael, Farrah, Sophrosyne and Me

It's time to close the book on my life. Not to burn it, not to desecrate it, not to forswear it, but to set it lovingly away on the shelf. I'm done. I've done everything I've cared to do, and done it over and over until the life went out of it. Sophrosyne Stenvaag

In a week that saw the deaths of two of popular culture's most iconic celebrities, Sophrosyne Stenvaag, Second Life's most notable advocate for Digital People, bid farewell yesterday in a post on her blog. Soph was an "avatar's avatar" who viewed herself as a completely separate individual from the atomic world counterpart who her shared her brain. She was an exemplar of a virtual life well lived, with a loving family, an active virtual community and a business that hosted cutting-edge events including a conference on religion, and salons that brought in quite a few leading authors.

I've known Soph for almost the entire year and a half of my own digital existence. Although we didn't hang out very frequently, when we did get together we always had great conversations about the nature of virtual life and the challenges of trying to live it with authenticity. She is one of the rare individuals I know who both walk their talk and talk their walk. I suspect that her idealism played a part in the choice to formally leave virtual life. She was not one to half-ass anything she chose to engage in. (Fortunately, I am, so I'm not going anywhere for the moment.)

The departure this year of so many active Second Life avatars underscores the difficulty, and perhaps impossibility, of sustaining two full lives. While the average Second Life participant spends around twelve hours a week inworld, active residents can spend thirty, forty or even more hours each week embedded in virtual form. Assuming one has a job or is in school, this leaves little time for offline relationships and pursuits. Something eventually has to give. And for Soph, this now means setting aside her cherished and well-used digital persona, at least for now.

Killing Art

Chestnut Rau and Soror Nishi wrote interesting posts recently on the relative place and relationship of art, artist, narrative and viewer. I think "art" is killed or at least mortally wounded by being tied down and fixed to a single dimension. Trying to set constrained and rule-based definitions serves reason, but chokes the life out of the essential mystery at the heart of the creative impulse.

I often think of Botgirl as an ongoing work of performance art or interactive fiction. But there's more going on. Many writers have described characters in their work who begin to take on a life of their own. The writer has an idea that a character will do one thing, but the character "pushes back" and demands a different course of action. I've found that living with a fictional virtual identity often creates the same feeling.

I can write as Human for a moment. And then Botgirl can jump in with an entirely different affect and perspective. Funny that our human identities take so much credit for just about everything in life. Much of what humans think they do is actually humans being done by some deeper force.

My father said, "What were you doing?" And he (Edgar Bergen) said, Hi I was talking with Charlie. He's the wisest person I know." And my father said, "But that's your mind; that your voice coming through that wooden creature." And Ed said, "Well, I guess it ultimately is, but I ask Charlie these questions and he answers, and I haven't the faintest idea what he's going to say and I'm astounded by his brilliance–so much more than I know." from Channeling by Jon Klimo

Illusion or Awakening? Reflections on Virtual Life

Over the course of the Botgirl Thought Experiment, I've gone back and forth between seeing virtual life as a path into illusion or a means of awakening. Although I haven't given up on a digital yoga, it's clear to me that spending a significant portion of our time in virtual worlds without sustained conscious attention leads many of us deeper into ignorance and suffering.

The primary value of virtual identity for me has been its power to shed light on the fictional nature of normative identity and the constructed narrative quality of all conception. For the first couple of months as Botgirl, my interactions were in strict role play from the imagined perspective of an AI embodied as an avatar. Inhabiting this carefully designed character afforded me great equanimity. It often felt as if I was channeling an enlightened being. Looking back now over the first months of blog posts, it's easy for me to see when I was streaming directly from her consciousness and when I was writing as an interpreter of her insights.

Over time, it became harder to maintain the purity of the character because the wall between my physical and virtual lives began to feel uncomfortable. As I developed online friendships, more and more of my "atomic" perspective and personality began to bleed into virtual communication. This was primarily because I couldn't come up with a way to establish what felt like authentic relationships from the limited ground of an intentionally fragmented part of myself.

So I'm dedicating the rest of Lazy Month to contemplating and reevaluating the value of the Botgirl Thought Experiment. I'll keep you posted.

in contemplation
blinding lights fade revealing
stars in a vast sky